Money, status, dissatisfaction, and the underlying craving of love
Compared to our human ancestors who lived a life of uncertainties and hardships in the face of meeting basic needs (food, water and shelter), our generation can be considered lucky or privileged. Most of us live in democratic countries, have access to clean water, are educated, the Internet is ubiquitous (which was totally unfathomable by our ancestors). Yet, mental illnesses are increasing at an unprecedented rate, the sense of happiness is in no way higher than before.
It’s complicated. The more we are liberated, the more we feel like we are entitled to more. Success, fame, money, power, and the most important of all (excluding our basic physiological needs) – love and connection.
I’d like to discuss more of the reason behind our dissatisfaction, with reference to the ideas proposed by Alain de Botton, more specifically status anxiety.
All of us could agree that the hierarchical system that are once practised ubiquitously has gone obsolete and are not of relevance in our day and age. It is unjust to be stuck in a “class” just because of your lineage, without having the chance to move up or down the societal ranks no matter how accomplished you are. Classism in this case behaves like racism to some extent, utterly unreasonable to be discriminated against based on things that are predetermined - who you are or what family you are born into.
After the abolishment of traditional class systems and the founding of democracy and freedom, people are free to be whoever they want – a winner, a loser, or a mediocre person, depending on how hard they would like to work… Which is supposedly true in essence but is not likely the case in our reality. Alain de Botton suggests that it is not as simple as it seems, accentuating the fact that people downplay luck and a lot of other privileges that come into play that makes a person “successful”.
Due to the fact that we are – in theory – able to be whoever we want to be , it is easier to compare ourselves with people that are just like us, our peers, colleagues, people on the Internet etc. Our sense of success then becomes relative, how much better or worse we are than those around us greatly influence our self-esteem. Our brains ought to suffer, when we are - in reality, so much wealthier and materially robust than our ancestors.
Before the mid of 18th century in Europe, there was minimal social mobility because status and power were handed down by their parents. People have low expectations of what life can be, essentially “confined” by their social ranks. However, when we look at the flip side of the coin, they were in a sense liberated, to be free from disappointments stemming from expectations and comparisons with those who are successful. Like what Daniel Gilbert, an American social psychologist said about happiness:
“It’s only when we can’t change our experience that we look for ways to change our view of the experience.”
Happiness can be synthesized when all choices are lost, we become satisfied with what we have thus happier. It is a paradox, liberation amidst confinement.
Putting the focus back to our modern era, where everyone seems to want more and more, there is no objective threshold to determine when will someone be considered rich or successful. Is it when they have 10 million dollars as savings? When they can buy anything they want? Or when they achieve reputable titles in their professional careers? Adam Smith, a prominent Scottish economist suggests that humans earn and hoard money not only because we want to fulfil needs to survive, but also to earn dignity and approval. Similarly, Alain de Botton states that people who buy luxury items are not necessarily greedy per se, but are actually in need of immense love and respect. In the world we live in where people judge strangers and acquaintances by their careers, low paid jobs are inevitably unattractive not solely because of the amount of pay, but the lack of status that comes with it, and the way people treat “low status” jobs.
All in all, kindness to ourselves and to our fellow human beings is to be commended because the odds are not always in everyone’s favour. I’m not advocating for complacency but our lives are too short and arbitrary, no matter where you are on the financial scale, life still could be fulfilling and meaningful.
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