Friends

Unquestionably, no matter how of a recluse you might be, all of us have engaged in friendships before at some point in our lives. Apart from our family and our romantic partner, we spend a ton of time with our friends (especially in our pre-working, pre-marriage years). Therefore, due to the fact that human beings are hardwired to be social creatures and could be influenced by the environment and how others act, your friends do shape who you are (even if you don't admit it).

Cliche phrases like "birds of a feather flock together", "you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with" are cliche for a reason, it's because they are true more often than not.

One of the easiest ways to change a certain behaviour of yours (for better or worse) is to surround yourself with the kind of people. Live in a spotless house with housemates who are all clean freaks and you'll see yourself becoming more aware of how frequent you tidy your room. Join a gang of smokers and there is a high chance of you starting to puff at cigarettes.

However, your willpower is not to blame. Our species did not evolve to be solitary beings, we yearn to fit in, to feel as though we are "part of the group". Heuristic flaws like social proof also play a role in directing us to follow how others act. The question now is how can we utilize this human nature to improve, to become the person who we aspire to be, to break a bad habit or to generally be better.

1. Build your friend circle intentionally

People romanticize serendipities. Unplanned spontaneity, pure luck and chance sound more exciting and genuine compared to calculated, deliberated friendships. Still, it doesn't mean it is always malicious or fake. Most things in life aren't achieved by waiting around, they are attained by work and action coupled with a clear intention. Expanding your bubble to people who you admire and wish to learn more from will do you good, eventually you'll even be more like them.

 2.  It's okay to outgrow old friends to join new circles

You have one life, 24 hours per day and limited mental and physical energy. People change with age and it's normal to not be as close to old friends as you once were. There's nothing wrong with spending more time in "new and improved" bubbles for growth or maybe circles that are more suitable for your current self. I'm not saying you should cut off old friends entirely (unless they are toxic), but do be more conscious of who you spend your time with regardless of how long you've known them.

Ultimately, friendships, like any other relationship, need lots of nurturing. It's our duty to decide who is worth our finite time and energy to build a meaningful, long-lasting friendship with. It's never too late to connect with someone new!